Thursday, April 2, 2015

to remember.

I have found myself lately feeling worried that I am going to forget this stage. We seem to have hit a stride- and for however long or short it lasts- I don't want to forget it. I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with Mattias- that life had somehow gotten easier and a little less chaotic- but of course we has already decided to scramble life up a bit. But this time, there is no baby on its way so maybe this feeling will hang around a while?

Four has been hard. In our house, four has been dramatic and emotional and still crying during the night. But these last few weeks, I can see that five is just around the corner. She sits and does crafts of her own creating. She's suddenly drawing butterflies and she spouts off interesting facts that she has learned from Octonauts. She entertains herself more independently. She is eager to help around the house. She's still dramatic, but somehow it's feeling less overwhelming. I can see that five is going to be fun. But I also can't think about the big thing that five year olds do (it rhymes with Bindergarten) without a lump forming in my throat. I am so proud of her, but I also do not feel ready to share her that much.

Mattias. Oh Mattias. He pitches fits like every two and half year old should. Angry that you've put cream cheese on his bagel when that's exactly what he asked you to do until you all pretend like the tantrum never happened and he can eat it like he always wanted to. Everyday he's saying new words and forming new phrases. He says "Whu mama?" when he's not sure what's going and my favorite word is "Otay" because I think of Little Rascals every single time which, really? There is nothing more fitting for this boy of ours. He's a whiz at any and all sports. The most natural athletic ability- his scooter, baseball and recently creating bow and arrows out of sticks.

And the two of them together. They are either mercilessly slugging one another, scheming together or cuddling as the best of buddies. It is the most maddeningly sweetest thing. Mattias is somewhat lost without his big sister and she looks out for him when we are out and about.

This week has been a remarkably good one for no special reason. The weather has been glorious and the hand-me-down trampoline we were gifted recently has kept them busy for hours a day. I can actually sit and read a book only occasionally needing to break up a fight or kiss a boo boo. A year ago this ease still felt a long way off, but this summer feels like we are solidly through the baby phase and I can't say I'm sad about it. I love mornings when we stay in our PJs and I slowly tidy the house while they keep themselves busy with hiding all of Mattias's clothes on top of the bookshelf or with lining up chairs for an airplane trip to Hawaii where they swam with sea turtles and jumped off rocks into the ocean. We cuddle and read books or they pull out pads of paper, scissors and markers and create. It's just felt the littlest bit easier lately and because I noticed, I wanted to write it down.

And you know what else is worth mentioning? This guy. We are so good lately and it just is so wonderful to live and love and parent with someone that you love and that loves you and that will help you clean up potty accidents and let you sleep in every other day.