Thursday, May 30, 2013

Filoli Gardens

I have spent the better part of the past two weeks with my brother.  Five or so days in St. Louis to see him receive his Masters degree and then almost a week back here in the bay area while Chris was traveling for work. It was an amazing couple weeks and full of so many highlights.

The pictures speak for themselves from this day. It was a perfectly beautiful day spent with three of my very favorite people.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The golden witching hour.

I watched as the house I had cleaned all day was slowly getting messier as plastic food and kitchen utensils were strewn about.
A jar of baby food fell and shattered on the floor.

I wanted to prep dinner but the baby needed holding.

The baby bit me so hard I wanted to cry.

The clock seemed to be taunting me with the slow passage of time until daddy walked through the door.

So out the door we went. Out to the front stoop for bubbles and blankets and my favorite time of day for light.

Suddenly, we were all ok.

The baby ate dirt. The toddler blew bubbles. Mama took pictures and breathed in the fresh air, letting go of prepped-dinner, clean-house expectations.

One of the hardest lessons of motherhood is flexibility and letting go of how I want things to be. Sometimes I hold on with all my might to my own image of how things should be- tidy house, dinner on the table when Chris gets home- to the detriment of everyone involved. I will force it and leave everyone in my tracks, including myself, grumpy and foul tempered.

But other times, like tonight, I can turn on some music, open the front door and know that those things don't actually matter.  I'm not foolish enough to think that I conquered anything tonight, but I am learning that it helps to take note of small victories in this battle riddled journey of motherhood.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Mommy & Me, Vol. 5

Mother's Day edition :)

Mother's Day

This is a very belated Mother's Day post, but I was traveling and this is the soonest I could get to it. And mostly, I just don't want to forget. It was such a good day. Nothing super extra extraordinary , but perfect. Chris made it special. He had donuts waiting when I woke up. I got to "sleep in." My past self would shudder to think that meant sleeping until 7:30, but alas, it did feel like sleeping in. After church we got falafel and enjoyed a nice long family nap. We skyped with both of our moms. We ventured into the city. We roamed about the Palace of the Fine Arts (it was freeezing!) and then got pizza for dinner. We didn't get to eat at my favorite spot, Pizzeria Delfina, and while the pizza we did end up eating was fairly terrible, all that matters is that I was with my little family. And of course, what's a trip to the city without ice cream? Smitten, once again, didn't disappoint and I ended my day happy.

Mother's Day can be so tricky with the heightened expectations. Children don't always cooperate on special days because they have no clue it's a special day. Plans don't always work out because of timing or the fact that your favorite pizza place happens to be most people's favorite pizza place. But this Mother's Day, I was able to roll with it. Chris was able to roll with it. And the kids mostly rolled with it.

I am just thankful. Thankful for the kids and for the husband that I get to share this life with. It's not perfect. We are often tired and grumpy and stretched thin. I dream of days when sleeping in meant 10:30 and when I only had to do laundry every couple of weeks. I sometimes long for more freedom and spontaneity. Sometimes the rats' nest of knots in my hair and the squishy, stretch-marked stomach and the fact that dabbing on concealer often constitutes getting ready for the day leaves me not quite recognizing myself. And yet, this journey of motherhood is a good one. It has moments of wonder and awe. It has moments of stretching and growing. It has moments you could burst with joy. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Monday, May 13, 2013

(Not so) Hungry Man.

Mattias has been slow to like solid food. While his sister loved food from the start, never even acting like what we were doing was a new experience, he has resisted. He seems to be taking a bit longer to figure out the whole workings of food. How to open his mouth, how to swallow and how to chew. While Meredith loved the taste of everything, he seems to have a pickier palate. Or just a loyalty to breast milk. And let's be honest, by the looks of him, the breast milk is doing its job juuuust fine.

So as we slowly enter into the world of solids, I am having a lot of fun watching him learn. It's comforting to know he is getting plenty of nutrition from me and in the meantime, this is just a fun experience.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy Mother's Day, Mom


Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I am thankful beyond words for your friendship, advice, patience and love. Having become a mother, I have an even greater appreciation for the values you instilled in us, the patient way you loved us and the happy home you provided for us.  I have so many memories with you that I treasure and am grateful for the chance to create even more with you. All my love to you today. I wish we were there to celebrate you in person!