Monday, May 21, 2012

Almost two.

My darling, little Meredith,
How is it possible that you are almost two? It really feels like I was just planning your first birthday party, but here we are again, almost to June. And really? When I think about it, a lot has happened since last June. You learned to walk. You grew hair. You started babbling, talking and singing. We moved across the country. I got pregnant with your baby brother. We've missed friends and made friends. You've learned about Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh and baby dolls. You've learned to run. You have opinions and ideas and express them.

And speaking of opinions, that's what brought about this letter. You my dear, are a quintessential, almost-two-year-old. This week it was like, BAM! I will scream if I don't get my way, I will look at you and stare and decide if I feel like obeying or not. I will run away if I don't feel like obeying. Baby girl, it doesn't make me mad at you, but it's hard. Mostly it's hard because I question myself every step of the way.

You are simply doing what most two year old's do. You are learning to express yourself. You are learning boundaries. You are testing what happens when you cross those boundaries. And honestly, I guess I'm simply doing what most mothers do. I am learning how to discipline. I am testing out what works. I am trying so hard to be consistent. I am trying so hard to be firm. I am trying so hard to help you be a little girl that others will enjoy being around. A little girl that is respectful and obedient. A little girl who feels the freedom to explore and have adventures, but knows how to do so within safety and reason.

I want to be the best mama I can for you, but these last few days have left me feeling like I am falling very short. I find myself grasping at straws, feeling like I am feeling my way through the darkness. Your Mimi assures me that this is what being a mother to a toddler is like. That we all want to do right by our babies, but you don't come with instruction manuals. So we try with all our might to figure it out as we go. Baby, please just know your mama is trying and I will keep on trying forever.

I love you,


Adelle Gabrielson said...

Here's what I wrote when my youngest was two years, five months. Note: much to our dismay, three was worse, but three and a half through four has been lovely. Hang in there! You ARE mom enough and you are doing a GREAT job.

Anonymous said...

You are an awesome mom! Sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be. We are all learning. Our kids will know that we do the best we can. I can't believe my younger one just turned 3. She was seriously a baby just a minute ago! :p

Becky said...

You are one of the best moms I have observed. I think the moms that think they have it all right usually end up having a lot wrong. I think it's supposed to be hard because it helps us love our little ones more. Mere is a sweet and loving girl, true mark of a great mama.

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CoastieWifey said...

Meredith is so lucky to have a mama who loves her so much. You are kind, loving, caring, beautiful and outward focused. You will teach her so much just by being who you are. I hope it gets easier for you soon but hopefully when the tantrums hit you can remember (even if it's waaaaay back in the back of your mind) that those moments are temporary.

Kristin W said...

Honestly, I really wish I had some little letters like this from my childhood. You remember all the crap you put your parents through in high school, but not as a little one. And maybe that's part of the toughest times (especially when you have younger siblings they are also trying to raise?).

I know you're going to raise a great girl (and boy!). And while it doesn't mean much coming from someone who hasn't actually raised kids, two is one of my favorite ages. Two year-olds are just sponges for knowledge and come up with something new everyday. Sometimes they feel like the smartest age group to me...(haha if that makes any sense??)

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