Sunday, May 6, 2012

oh, hi.

you may (or may not) have noticed my absence around here. enough people have asked that i just wanted to say hi! i am alive! and mostly doing well!

To start with, I will share some photos of our lately:
 playing in the yard // being a puppy // i went to boston! for my dear friend's wedding! // new baby mickey 
attitude at the park // in love with sheepies // thinking she's about 10 years older than she is
 again with the 'tude // coldplay! !! !!! // concert date night
beach day // it was cold so she wore a pair of my basketball shorts // she's a heels kind of girl
 helping daddy with the garbage barrels // helping mama at the plant nursery // our little garden that i might've already killed
falling back asleep with mama // my first try at pho // 22 weeks pregnant

And now, for some things that may not surprise you:

-having an almost two year old is tiring. we read books, watch TV, play outside, go to the park, run errands, have playdates, nap and somehow, i blink and a week is gone. having a toddler is messy business. while i used to clean as she played and feel like i could keep the house in order, it seems near impossible now. my mom helps me remember how unimportant these things are, but naturally, i have a physical, stress reaction to the clutter and mess and dust bunnies and scattered dried up rice. i just have to let it go. i am amazed at how many days i open the computer once meredith is in bed, only to realize the last time i opened it was the night before. this used to never happen to me. sure, i can check my phone, but time to actually write down thoughts longer than 140 characters? less common now than ever before.

-being pregnant is tiring. mostly, i feel good. i am starting to feel our little man kicking more regularly which is the best part of pregnancy. but by the afternoon i am achy and find myself hobbling around the house or park. i am so grateful for this pregnancy. i am so grateful for our little boy. i am so grateful for both of health. BUT! (you knew it was coming) this pregnancy has been harder. maybe because our support system is drastically different than two years ago, maybe it's because i have a toddler, maybe it's because this is the second time around, but it's just harder. i don't feel radiant like last time. i don't relish in the rounding and swelling of my belly, but instead just find it gets in the way and makes breathing like a normal person tough. also, i think more than last time, i'm just ready for him to be here so that we can begin our life as a family of four.

-moving across the country is no joke. we've been here six months now. to me, six months sounds like long enough to be settled, but we're not. i still feels new. i'm still getting to know the area. we are still working on our routine and finding our spots. we have some friends, but it's slow going. in the big scheme of things, six months is so short, but in the middle of it, it feels long. it feels long enough to be drained from the all the giving and denying of myself and putting myself in uncomfortable situations. for some people saying hi at the park, or calling a new friend, or joining a group of chatty women is no big deal. for me? it is so hard. i feel awkward and dorky and unwanted- kind of like i'm in middle school all over again. so, i'm tired from that too. i long for easy conversation and spontaneous playdates with comfortable friends. the potential is there. i know that. but we're just not quite there yet.

so hopefully that gives you a picture of where i am at and why things are quiet here. in general, things are good. this weekend was so perfect that more than once i stopped and thought how grateful i am to live in such a beautiful place. i have this perfect little girl and a husband who is also my best friend.


Michelle {lovely little things} said...

I've missed you, glad to hear some updates on life, and excited to read more about your newest addition coming soon!

colleen said...

I love her tude - such a cutie. I hope you continue to have a healthy pregnancy - I can only imagine how having a toddler and being pregnant can take a toll on someone. and yes, 6 months is a short time period. just keep on keepin on and I'm sure friends and familiarity will fall into place. and you always have us ;)

CoastieWifey said...

I'm glad to hear some updates. I'm sorry things aren't easy right now. I totally understand not feeling like you have a niche yet. Our family misses you guys, hang in there it will get better.

Em Levy {orange + barrel} said...

I love your cute belly!

Moving is no joke. If it makes you feel better we only moved an hour away and I still don't have a friend in Santa Barbara. I just drive back and forth. It's hard to build a support system. We are most likely moving to Portland and I am so afraid to do it again...but overtime you'll build the support system, but I understand there is a bit of loneliness in the beginning.

Jordy Liz said...

settling in a new place takes a while, and it's okay. it's a brand new place with new people and new areas to explore, so it's normal for it to take longer than we expect. i have been in arizona five years come august and it was just the last two years where i have felt like it's somewhat of a home. praying you find that settled feeling soon!

Anonymous said...

Oh honey - I remember all of what you are writing of SO WELL. The moving across country, and finding my place all over again. And I did it twice...

You ARE wanted. Really really. Come to MOPS Wednesday, won't you? And you are such an amazing writer and blogger - can I share this on our MOPS page to remind the other moms who are new to the area (we have many) that what they are feeling is normal, too? Pretty please?

Imogene McAnulty said...

Your mom (me) is glad your BACK ON line. Of course, your parents told us that you were well. We enjoyed having Rick and Cori this weekend. We had a grand time! Papa left yesterday for Bucharest. He was happy to go, I guess he left some of his heart there. I enjoy your writings!

al said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
al said...

I am seeing them in Dallas next month and the waiting is making me crazy.
Was it amazing?
Of course it was.

Kristin W said...

Glad to hear you're hanging in there :) Can't wait for baby boy's arrival.

Ugh and I am the SAME way with making new friends...I still don't have anyone I feel REALLY close to here in Raleigh (and we've been here two years). At least you have Mere as a talking/meeting point?

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