Last night, Chris was out with friends. Because I was on my own, I felt a little less ridiculous crawling into bed with Meredith and wrapping my body around hers. She was sleeping heavily, looking like a perfect little angel. I stroked her cheeks and ran my fingers through her hair. I pulled her close and breathed her in. I savored her presence while she was completely unaware of mine. As I lay there, I couldn't help but think back to three years ago.
Three years ago, my body was swollen tight with anticipation and a full term baby. My first baby was almost here. School was out, the nursery was ready and all that was left to do was wait. I cleaned, I slept, I walked. But mostly, I dreamed. I dreamed of what my baby would be like. I dreamed of what motherhood would feel like. I dreamed of rocking her tiny body and feeding her with my own. I dreamed of walking her in the baby carrier and laying with her in the park. I dreamed of introducing her to friends and family. I dreamed of holding her late at night, watching her sleep.
Last night, as I held her late at night, watching her sleep, I was struck, so powerfully, with the fact that my dreams have come true.
4 comments:
I didn't think it could get sillier than Mer 'upside down'... until I saw her sprawled across the sidewalk!! What a hoot. Love that your dreams are coming true - and that you've found enough quiet in the chaos to savor them!
You have such beautiful babies. This post really got my heart. I've been thinking so much about how blessed and completely undeserving I am of all of this; Having my dreams come true. You're such an inspiration to me friend, thanks for sharing this.
Sweet, sweet post, you have two beautiful babies!
that so amazing to read - i love the way you articulate your experience wiht motherhood.
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