Nap time.

Yesterday Meredith took a nice long nap as her little body is so worn out from seasonal allergies. And since my energy is slowly returning I took the chance to relax and do a few things (instead of nap like I did every day during my first trimester). It was a perfect little chunk of afternoon.

i would definitely recommend this movie. interesting inside peek.

sweet sleeping angel.

end of nap time. can't get enough of her wispy hairs.

Saturday morning.

 It's Saturday morning. I've been up with a wee little toddler since 5:45 (whyyyy?!) and as she watches Pooh, there is so much on my mind.

I've said this so many times before, but it's amazing to feel yourself falling more and more in love with the little person in your life. Meredith just keeps getting cuter and more fun and more hysterical. She cuddles. She kisses me on both cheeks (one is not sufficient). She inspects my eyes, nose, mouth and ears naming each body part as she goes. She comes out of the kitchen with a towel over her head. She loves the sensation of walking through the house or riding a swing with her eyes closed and arms outstretched. She is a marvel to me.

Last night we had this perfect family night. Chris grilled our dinner of chicken and veggies. I am so happy my body is once again accepting veggies as nourishment. I filled up on lettuce, tomatoes, asparagus and onions. It felt so much better than buttered pasta and pizza. After dinner we took a family bike ride into our downtown area. We made a quick Goodwill stop and then kept on biking. We found this quiet little subdivision that we rode around and around in, just talking. Once we were home and in Meredith was in bed, we started season 2 of Downton Abbey. So yes, a perfect night. I think all three of us were savoring it.

I wish I could have one more phone call or email exchange with Alanna. I wish I reiterate how important she was to me. How her friendship was an answer to prayer. That I was counting the days until I could hug her and feel her baby kicking during my April visit. I would tell her that she was one of the most selfless and giving friends I will ever have.

Tomorrow and Monday Alanna's friends and family will gather to say goodbye. I hate being clear across the country and unable to go. This week has made me homesick for Boston. I wish I could've spent this week hanging out in my best friend's living room watching her babies play. She would've chatted about Alanna when I wanted or distracted me with Facebook drama when all that was too much.

I've been holding Meredith closer this week. Looking into her eyes longer. Almost every time I do, I can't help but wonder why Alanna isn't going to get this chance, especially because she would've been so darn good at it.

My mom was telling me about a sermon the preacher at her church gave recently and I'm hoping to grab the time to listen to it soon. It's called the Great Celebration of Unfairness. I'm hoping it will help me process some thoughts because all I can think lots of days is how unfair this all feels. 

Today we will (hopefully) have another perfect family day. We will once again load up on our bikes and head into our downtown. This time we'll be going to our farmer's market to get fresh fruits, veggies, a baguette and hopefully hot corn on a stick!

Thankful.

For the ability to drink big gulps of water again, without getting nauceous. 

For the beautiful weather these last two days, that have beckoned me outside for long walks. Walks that have allowed to think and pray and cry and soak up the beauty around me.

That our guests this week were easy and comfortable. For the laughter shared between two little toddler girls. For the happiness Meredith found in having a playdate 24/7 for the last week.

For my husband and my daughter and the baby growing inside of me. That they are healthy and happy.

The last time I hugged her, it was the kind if hug you hug you give someone when you are in on their secret. The very best kind of secret. She was going to be a mom. And while it baffles my mind why she was denied that chance- to hold her baby here on earth- I know her final months were some of her happiest. For that I am forever thankful.

a sad day.

For my sweet, sweet friend. I cannot believe you and your unborn baby are gone. I love you and will miss you so very, very much. I am praying for your Michael and your family.

Santa Cruz

On Sunday the weather was perfect, so we took Chris's mom to Santa Cruz and the beach. I've told you before about Santa Cruz. It's beautiful and lots of fun. This time we tried a new beach and I'm so glad we did. It was gorgeous with a natural bridge. After some time splashing in the cold water, laying in the sun and playing in the sand, we left for the downtown area. We started at The Penny Ice Creamery and had some of the best ice cream ever. It was so delicious. They have lots of funky flavors and I loved my Tahitian Vanilla Bean and Salted Butter Toffee. Apparently, so did Meredith :)

Week by Week

I've caught up with my weeks, having only missed one, which is nothing short of a miracle. Lots of notes about fatigue and nausea, but that's been the reality of this first trimester. I am now 13 weeks and have some hope that it will be long gone in the next week or so. Thanks for all your support through emails, tweets and blog comments and thanks also for sticking with me as the blog has been rather quiet.
In case you missed weeks 4-8, they are here

Marin Headlands

This weekend we enjoyed a visit from Chris's mom. It was so much fun having her here and getting to see Meredith with her. She had missed her Nana! We had the chance to explore a few new places that are now at the top of our must-see list for out-of-town guests.

On Saturday we ventured into the city, over the Golden Gate Bridge and up to the Marin Headlands. The view from the mountains was breath-taking. You could see the bridge, the whole city and far beyond.