Monday, August 22, 2011

random (negative) thoughts for a monday.

note: i've waffled back and forth about posting this. i wrote it last night when i was in a super bad mood. i didn't think i'd publish it, but i often feel like my blog can be so happy clappy when that certainly isn't always the case. i often have hard days when i'm sad for no good reason. i think that part of me and my life should have a space here, too, because i know i'm not alone in that regard.

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have i shared this picture yet? it has nothing to do with this post. it's here to balance out my grumpy mood :)

I'm so happy for my mom and her new job but it means she can't talk to me at anytime anymore. This is probably good for her but bums me out. She is the best & most patient listener on the planet.

Some days I feel so complete here. I feel like I have friends that I adore. I feel fulfilled in my role as mother & wife . Other days I feel empty & lonely.

I hate how Christians spend so much time focusing on the things we don't have in common. These things are so small compared to the many things we do share. Ultimately we have the same goal. Why don't we just help each other get there? It infuriates me that we so often fail to.

Also as Christians we spend so much time making people feel like they aren't doing enough or doing it right that some people just give up. This also infuriates me.

Anyone else experience PMS- like symptoms during ovulation? I'm starting to notice this trend in my cycle. This explains a lot about this post.

Ok, one last thing and it's a good one. Meredith suddenly is sleeping through the night. From about 7-7, or 8-7, or 7-6:30 she is sleeping straight through. I swear there were times I never, ever thought I'd see the day. And she did it all on her own. That is some happy news.


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5 comments:

Adrienne said...

ok. loved {you are} grumpy {or not!} Don't get me started on hormones...and the waffling contentment stuff is just part of figuring it {life} all out. I know you know that! I actually had that thought about your mom ... although I know as she finds her rhythem, you'll fall into a talking rhythem too. As for the Christian thoughts...AMEN!!!

Mrsink said...

I am so glad you posted this. I know it's hard sometimes to write the not-so-lovely parts of our lives out on a blog, but I love that you're so honest and real. I can relate 100% to everything you posted. (the PMS thing is crazy!) I'm so glad Meredith is sleeping through the night!! Whohoo!! I have a hard time connecting with fellow Christians (especially other moms) because I often feel judged...even though I know who I am and what I believe. I do wish it were different. But I'm glad to know I'm not alone in feeling that way. Hope you have a fabulous Monday and things start looking up! :) http://jodiink.com

colleen said...

i don't know anyone who doesn't have what you talk about - knowing they are fulfilled and happy and appreciating it, and then some days just feeling lonely and empty. i honestly believe it's just the human condition. most days i wake up and feel great about my life, and some days i wake up and worry my life is slipping away from me, that i've made bad decisions, that i don't know what i want, that i'm losing touch of who i am. it leads me to feel empty and lonely, too. but eventually it goes away - and for you, how could it not with a little girl who looks so silly in glasses like that?! thanks for sharing this post, and that picture.

colleen said...

p.s. i love the phrase "happy clappy". too. funny.

grace said...

you are awesome. Don't ever feel afraid to lay it out there, grumpy or not. People love it when you are real!

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