Tuesday, June 14, 2011

on growing up.

I've been thinking about this post for a little while, but couldn't get the words out right. Mandy got me thinking about middle school and high school and how rough those years can be. But then I was reading Dooce today and she hit stated perfectly what I had been wanting to say: "I want to tell the ten-year-old me that [family] really is as amazing as I hope it will be. In fact, you have no idea."

I have an amazing family and felt truly loved growing up. No terrible tragedies or great heartbreak occured. But those early teen years are just awkward. I was often riddled with insecurity, feeling ugly, not stylish and uncool. I was painfully shy. I had some great friends, but remember how important it felt to be popular?

I wish I could go back to my 7th, or 8th, or 9th grade self and give her a big squeeze. I wish I could tell her that one day you will still have insecure moments, you will still have sad days, you will occasionally be shy, but mostly? Mostly, you will be very happy.

You will have a husband who loves you and thinks you are beautiful. You will have a baby that makes your days brighter than you imagined possible.  You will be close to your family members (even though they move away, and that sucks, but it's ok). You will have a few good friends (not a lot, but you don't need a lot, you never have).

I wish I could tell her that those popular kids that matter so much then, don't matter at all now. They have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on your happiness as an adult. You have a life that makes you full.

I wish I could tell her that those pimples you worry so much about? No one really notices them. One day you won't walk around feeling like you have a lighthouse beacon shining out of your forehead. You'll put on concealer and move along with your day. Also, you'll become more proud of those hips. You'll learn how to better dress them. You'll learn their power as they carry a baby and help escort her into the world.

I wish I could tell her that life is so wonderful. That all that insecurity, worry, anxiety and awkwardness is unnecessary and pointless. But I guess all that really matters is that I know now.


Alexandria said...

I feel the same, darling. But, if you think about it, those insecurities and those times of awkwardness helped shape the wonderful person you are today. But you are right, you do know now. And that's what matters the most.

Anna B. said...

Love this.

basebell6 said...

this post reallllly hit home. i spent more evenings in my room crying than i care to admit back in middle school and high school. in fact most days i got off the bus crying as kids shouted their insults out the window. "WHY DO YOU WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES EVERYDAY" (i didn't). "WHY ARE YOUR UNDERWEAR HANGING OUTSIDE" (um because my mom doesnt have a dryer). i never went to a high school dance. my parents met in highschool and so did my grandparents so i sat at home on prom night and cried because i thought i was destined for a lifetime of loneliness. lots of my teachers questioned my intents to become a teacher because THEY HAD NEVER HEARD ME SPEAK. not even once. never opened my mouth in school. not sure why i was so shy and how i got over it. but just as you said, i sure do wish i could go back in time and show my teenage self a glimpse of what life has become.

Adrienne said...

I'm actually gonna see someone I knew in HS this weekend. Have slowly started responding to people whe have been reaching out to me. I remember being unhappy, but I just can't remember very many specifics...a friend just wrote me listing off all these memories of stuff we did ~ seriously didn't remember half of it. I've put off reconnecting, cause I feel like I'll have no idea what they're talking about! Anyway...guess we all couldn't skip it to get here ~ And does make me happy to see you happy!!

Michelle {lovely little things} said...

Great post. Those awkward years are the years you feel most alone, even though in reality your friends are going through exactly the same awkward stuff. It's good to know it gets better!

Bridget said...

such a lovely post girl.

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